A friend messaged a post I put on my instagram story saying “you look lonely.” it confused me a little, I was on the way to see some friends on the train, in that moment I didn’t feel lonely. Yet, when I decide to go a little deeper, being lonely is existing. My perfect colour is grey, the world in-between. To not be lonely is maybe a foreign concept to me, when my little sister was born I drew a picture of a room split by orange and grey, I was in the darker side. It was during this time I started walking late at night, sleeping most of the day, staying up till 5 or 6am downstairs away from everyone. Creating my own lonely atmosphere to just maybe exist in. During these walks I began spotting something every time, the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon. In English, Frequency Bias. Seeing ‘it’ once and then seeing it constantly everywhere. It wouldn’t be until later I truly realized it however.
Sometimes it’s a one off, but sometimes it’s consistent. In my time watching League of Legends, 100 CS is a goal everyone looks for, those are not the things I’m talking about. This dive is into the randomness of the thing that pops. How that thing holds a meaning to me, and maybe you reading this also have a similar thing. It starts off as an odd fascination and ends up becoming part of you, or so it did to me. A phrase I heard reminds me of this thing, “잊혀지지 않는 말(A word that you can’t forget in a breeze).” When times become dark, or tough I seem to look for this thing to find something, to light my path in the breeze.
In my second year of university a module was designed to create a magazine. Everyone knew this was coming as it’s marketed when you come for open days and honestly is a great allure and experience for students. During the weeks leading up to it I began planning my idea for a magazine, so what did I call it? 72.
Why? The initial idea came from anime, Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron Blooded Orphans to be exact. In the show the key mobile suit’s name is ‘Barabatos’ but the other Gundam suits share similar names, Gusion, Kimaris, Bael, Astaroth. The names stem from a series of books written in the late 17th century called ‘The Lesser Key of Solomon.’ The book in question is the Ars Goetia — no I did not get the name ‘erys’ from this but it’s quite the coincidence that they sound similar. The publication is an grimoire on demonology. A sort of guide to hell. The list is 72 demons long. In short I took the number from a book I found from anime, in long the idea was (as we had to plan a real magazine) to have 72 issues of the magazine entitling each with the demon of that number. Issue 1, Bael, King of hell. While exploring this number I stumbled upon it’s ‘angelic meaning,’ which I found that the number itself is a ‘number of humanitarianism.’ Those who resonate with it enjoy solving problems related to human welfare.
I can’t tell you that I am someone who find joy in solving human welfare problems, because I don’t believe I’ve ever solved a problem like that. My writing seems to probably point out I can’t fix my own welfare problems.
It was after this awakening, if that’s what you want to call it, that I realized this number seemingly appeared everywhere. Seven and Two.
Those numbers side by side seemingly represent how I live. Seven, being straight, with a sharp change of direction, almost like my mood, my mental state, or just motivation in general. It doesn’t sway between, it turns straight down, left or right. Two, a curve back from the rapid change, to fall into another rapid change doomed to repeat itself. It may sound like nonsense to you, I can understand this but that’s how I see my number.
During those nights alone, mainly the nightmares alone, I just wanted to find anything that has hope, maybe something that can point me somewhere forward. It’s my root to the world. The chaotic storm around me might be destroying everything, I maybe lost in a dream deep inside but when I find that number I find a step, maybe a step forward or back. It’s unknowing where I’ll go once I step yet it’s a direction, it’s better than where I was.
I truly believe we all have something that just roots us. Acting as a mental reset, or a restart, anything. Even if I fall into hell, to the gates of the beyond, I know that seven and two will guide my way.
